1.I had an hour off for lunch and had the time to stroll through a book store while waiting on my Chinese take-out.
2. My headache finally went away.
3. My work area was quiet and peaceful all day long.
4. I was able to make at least 10 people laugh or smile.
5. I taught someone something new today.
6. My phone didn’t ring.
7. I had a filling lunch that made me sleepy.
8. I literally got to smell the flowers today.
9. I got to sleep in until seven.
10. I was cheerfully greeted by my cat, dog, and birds.
11. I got a hug from my kid.
12. I had time to work on my novel and write in my blog.
13. I had fun creating a crime scene in my library for an upcoming murder mystery game.
14. Someone gave me M&Ms.
15. I DIDN’T have to deal with lockers, misbehavior, grading, or any bad attitudes!
16. I found my comfy shoes before work.
17. I can see the top of my desk!
18. I walked out the door at the end of the work day and didn’t have to take any work home.
19. I came home to a perfectly clean house…OK, I’m still waiting on that one, but at least I’m thankful that I have a house and possessions to come home to.
20. I’m already on #20 and there are still many hours left in the day.
Friday, September 11, 2009
My many blessings today...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
True Confessions
I am a people watcher. I learn a lot about the human race in general by observing and listening to all of the crazy things people do. I don’t people watch to gossip or get involved in their business, but I must confess—some have ended up as characters in my novels.
Yes, my novels are fiction, but many characters or experiences are based on real people and events. Some of you are probably in one of them. The fun part is trying to decide who and what is based on something real!
A lot of my writing is also a way to live out my fantasies…now some of your minds just went straight to my romance novel, but you have to understand the way my mind works. I constantly have stories bouncing around in my brain and I sometimes interject how I would respond in certain situations. For instance, if I’m placing myself into a character’s mind, I might be braver, smarter, sexier, or stronger than I ever would in real life. Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan and Jane Smith (Angelina Jolie) are my heroines!
I have 8 years of college and 15 years of experience. If you pay me the minimum that you can get away with, you will get the minimum amount of effort from me in return. If you want quality product and service, be willing to pay me for it.
When I take 30+ minute “soakies”, I am trying to get away from everyone. I set my laptop up on the stool outside the tub, have a large cup of tea by my side, at least two sources of reading material by the tub, and oh yeah…a wash clothe. I’ll actually bathe if I get around to it before the water turns icy cold. Don’t ask me to answer the door or the phone.
I am not the same person at work and home. When I am at work, I am assertive, social, and have no issue going outside the box to get the job done. That sometimes gets me in trouble because its easier to ask forgiveness than get permission. I used to throw myself more into work than I do now. When I get home, I’m done with all that and become a home body. At home, I just want to relax. Family is becoming more and more important to me and I'm tired of the rat race. If I could, I'd stay home with them and write full time.
There are also lots of times that I am so afraid to act on my feelings that I create a “suicide by cop” scenario. I am so afraid to do what it takes to get what I want and need because I believe that it will make me look bad that I force other peoples’ hands to do it to me instead. That way I can get what I need, blame them, and not have to live with my own guilt. That may sound really sadistic and demented, but that’s a true confession. I have already done it to others and myself several times. Sorry.
The fastest way to bring out my evil twin is to question or insult my intelligence or professional judgment. The first time I’ll let you know. The second time, you’ve lost my respect and loyalty and I shut down on you. Do it again and I’ll find a way to make you suffer. If you are not someone that I know, ignore all of that because I don’t care what you think of me in the first place.
If I ruled the world...
The other day I heard a group of ladies sitting around babbling about what they’d do if they were queen for the day. One suggested a hot Jacuzzi waiting for them at the end of each work day. Another discussed capital punishment for leaving the toilet seat up in the middle of the night. Some of their suggestions were humorous, but when I thought about what I would change if I ruled the world, I could only think of things that really did trouble me about this world that we live in. So before I begin, I state matter-of-factly that I don’t want to rule the world. I am a writer, not a politician. I don’t know how to rule the world and make it a fair place for everyone involved. Every action has a consequence. I think that is why the world is so messed up as it is. The people in charge think of their own benefit, but not on the consequences for everyone else. So this list is a list of concerns that I feel strongly about. If I step on your toes, I guess you should be happy that this is a list written by an unknown writer and not by someone who was elected or forced themselves into power.
1. People would be paid by how hard they work, not by their job title. Your pay would be based on how efficient and productive you are and on the quality of your work. The guy who sits in the cubicle playing online games and taking a smoke break for much longer than allowed would not make as much as the person who ate their lunch at their desk while working .
2. Relating to the change listed above, promotions and opportunities would not be based on who you socialize with, the color of your skin, or what anatomy you have. If the boss promotes only his beer buddies or the pretty, young singles in the office, the law would read that you get to take his job and he has to take yours.
3. The social ladder would be turned on its head. For the next 3000 years, white males would be on the bottom of the social ladder. For once, history would be written from something other than the white male perspective. White males would be racially profiled. Males would be paid less women for the same work. They would be sexually harassed everywhere they go. They would find it difficult to be taken seriously or to find a job or to get a loan. The most oppressed groups would have the privilege of opportunity. It would not only rewrite the history books, it would change religion, change governments, change social norms, and change the definition of success.
4. As a human race, everyone would be obligated to help each other obtain a basic level of resources in order to sustain a quality of life. Access to clean water would be considered a right not a privilege. Everyone would have equal access to medical attention and education. No one would go hungry. Now I know that this sounds like it goes against what I say in number 1—that the harder you work, the more you obtain. I’m not talking about equal access to the latest tennis shoes, cars, or electronics. I’m referring to person swimming in their own private swimming pool who could care less about the child bathing in sewage water. If the disparity between the “haves” and the “have nots” were based only on how hard they worked, it would be different. Unfortunately the disparities are created based on disputes over political borders and rights to resources. The disparities are created depending on your race, religion, gender, beliefs, or age. Disparities are based on your name and who you know.
5. Power to the people would be returned. I am well aware that we need organization and leadership in order to avoid chaos, but in both government and in the private sector, the voice of the people most affected is being ignored. When someone who is not a librarian is making decisions about what materials go into a library and how it is run, we have a problem. When government officials who are not educators are making decisions about what is taught in school and how it is taught, we have a problem. When the media is slanting the news and swaying public opinion to support their own private agenda, we have a problem. Governments and the private sector would benefit from not trying to run everything from the top down. At the top, you can see the big picture, but you can’t see the details. The people in the trenches—the professionals that you hired to do specific tasks—see the details. Leadership should be bringing the big picture down to the people and allowing the people within the organizations to impact that vision. A good leader is a servant to the people.
6. As a result of top-down decision making described above, patriotism and loyalty are at an all time low. I’m not going to be loyal to a company that ignores my voice and my contributions. I’d leave at the first chance and find somewhere else that values me as an employee. Those who have been loyal to companies for 25 plus years are being rewarded by plant closings, loss of retirement plans, and loss of insurance once they retire. Young people bounce between jobs more than ever before. Likewise, people are not going to be loyal to a country when they feel ignored as well. As a former educator with 15 years experience, I have seen the steady decline of children who show patriotism. They bring this sentiment from the home. The older children won’t say the Pledge of Allegiance. They bulk at voluntary service for others. Obviously changing countries is not as easy as changing careers, but it will show up when the nation is in conflict and needs their support. It will show up when government wants their vote or wants to raise taxes. There is a growing feeling of mistrust and disillusionment in this country and we have the freedom to elect our own leaders. What about the countries where the power has been stolen by greedy, self-centered individuals? If I ruled the world, I might not make my big impact with lots of action during the first 100 days in office, but I would definitely listen to as many people as I could and try to figure out how we could improve the lives of as many as possible without majorly impacting others.
7. I would also turn the judicial system on its head. The current judicial system needs a major overhaul. For instance, although it has improved in the last several years, minorities are still often arrested by white police officers, face a white prosecutor, and go before a white judge and jury. If you don’t think that it is a problem, watch the news. What color is the criminal and what color is the police officer and the judicial employees. I’m not saying that minorities need a “get out of jail free” card, but I think that we need to examine why so many minorities are locked up when compared to the percent of minorities in the general population. I believe that it goes back to the bigger social issue that I discussed earlier and the point that when you don’t feel valued, you have the tendency to not be loyal.
Once jailed, people go to jail to learn how to be better criminals. The pendulum swings back and forth between providing services to rehabilitate inmates and using jails and prisons as warehouses for inmates. I believe that rehabilitation services through counseling and education can turn many first time offenders around, especially if the earlier problems are addressed. I would treat repeat offenders and certain crimes differently. I believe that sex offenders should be housed only with sex offenders. Let them take care of themselves. Likewise, repeated thieves should be housed with other thieves. Let them steal each other’s possessions. Let murderers be housed with other murderers. I doubt that you would have a problem with overcrowding after a while. For drug dealers, it’s about the money so they can bust their butt on a chain gang earning fifty cents a day cleaning up the wasted world that they create.
8. At this point you might say that I am being racist against white people. I am white. I’m standing up for the injustice against minorities and women because I’ve seen it first hand and I’m sick and tired of it. Yes, there are people of all races who are blatantly racist against other groups. I don’t believe that most whites are blatantly racist. I think they are ignorant of the underlying disparities that exist because it does not affect them personally. Whites don’t even realize that there is a problem because they see the world through white privilege, but it exists. It’s not just an issue of name calling or barring children from a swimming pool. It’s about the very underlying values that our society is based on. If you are not a white male, those values aren’t based on you. This discussion makes a lot of people squirm in their seats. Those in power don’t want to give up power. Those in power are afraid of losing it. In other countries we see those in power meeting the people in the streets with weapons when they voice concerns and objections. Those in power throw people in jail for voicing concerns or objections. Those in power form groups that not only exclude those who are not like them; they actively work to oppress those who are not like them. Those in power make it difficult or impossible for those who voice concerns or objections to vote. What a better way to oppress then to keep them illiterate and poor. Has that ever happened here? I’ll let you think about that. So the last thing I would change if I ruled the world would be a greater emphasis on understanding diversity, understanding what all people bring to the table, and an emphasis on the need to work together to make this big ball of dirt that we live on a better and safer place for everyone.
1. People would be paid by how hard they work, not by their job title. Your pay would be based on how efficient and productive you are and on the quality of your work. The guy who sits in the cubicle playing online games and taking a smoke break for much longer than allowed would not make as much as the person who ate their lunch at their desk while working .
2. Relating to the change listed above, promotions and opportunities would not be based on who you socialize with, the color of your skin, or what anatomy you have. If the boss promotes only his beer buddies or the pretty, young singles in the office, the law would read that you get to take his job and he has to take yours.
3. The social ladder would be turned on its head. For the next 3000 years, white males would be on the bottom of the social ladder. For once, history would be written from something other than the white male perspective. White males would be racially profiled. Males would be paid less women for the same work. They would be sexually harassed everywhere they go. They would find it difficult to be taken seriously or to find a job or to get a loan. The most oppressed groups would have the privilege of opportunity. It would not only rewrite the history books, it would change religion, change governments, change social norms, and change the definition of success.
4. As a human race, everyone would be obligated to help each other obtain a basic level of resources in order to sustain a quality of life. Access to clean water would be considered a right not a privilege. Everyone would have equal access to medical attention and education. No one would go hungry. Now I know that this sounds like it goes against what I say in number 1—that the harder you work, the more you obtain. I’m not talking about equal access to the latest tennis shoes, cars, or electronics. I’m referring to person swimming in their own private swimming pool who could care less about the child bathing in sewage water. If the disparity between the “haves” and the “have nots” were based only on how hard they worked, it would be different. Unfortunately the disparities are created based on disputes over political borders and rights to resources. The disparities are created depending on your race, religion, gender, beliefs, or age. Disparities are based on your name and who you know.
5. Power to the people would be returned. I am well aware that we need organization and leadership in order to avoid chaos, but in both government and in the private sector, the voice of the people most affected is being ignored. When someone who is not a librarian is making decisions about what materials go into a library and how it is run, we have a problem. When government officials who are not educators are making decisions about what is taught in school and how it is taught, we have a problem. When the media is slanting the news and swaying public opinion to support their own private agenda, we have a problem. Governments and the private sector would benefit from not trying to run everything from the top down. At the top, you can see the big picture, but you can’t see the details. The people in the trenches—the professionals that you hired to do specific tasks—see the details. Leadership should be bringing the big picture down to the people and allowing the people within the organizations to impact that vision. A good leader is a servant to the people.
6. As a result of top-down decision making described above, patriotism and loyalty are at an all time low. I’m not going to be loyal to a company that ignores my voice and my contributions. I’d leave at the first chance and find somewhere else that values me as an employee. Those who have been loyal to companies for 25 plus years are being rewarded by plant closings, loss of retirement plans, and loss of insurance once they retire. Young people bounce between jobs more than ever before. Likewise, people are not going to be loyal to a country when they feel ignored as well. As a former educator with 15 years experience, I have seen the steady decline of children who show patriotism. They bring this sentiment from the home. The older children won’t say the Pledge of Allegiance. They bulk at voluntary service for others. Obviously changing countries is not as easy as changing careers, but it will show up when the nation is in conflict and needs their support. It will show up when government wants their vote or wants to raise taxes. There is a growing feeling of mistrust and disillusionment in this country and we have the freedom to elect our own leaders. What about the countries where the power has been stolen by greedy, self-centered individuals? If I ruled the world, I might not make my big impact with lots of action during the first 100 days in office, but I would definitely listen to as many people as I could and try to figure out how we could improve the lives of as many as possible without majorly impacting others.
7. I would also turn the judicial system on its head. The current judicial system needs a major overhaul. For instance, although it has improved in the last several years, minorities are still often arrested by white police officers, face a white prosecutor, and go before a white judge and jury. If you don’t think that it is a problem, watch the news. What color is the criminal and what color is the police officer and the judicial employees. I’m not saying that minorities need a “get out of jail free” card, but I think that we need to examine why so many minorities are locked up when compared to the percent of minorities in the general population. I believe that it goes back to the bigger social issue that I discussed earlier and the point that when you don’t feel valued, you have the tendency to not be loyal.
Once jailed, people go to jail to learn how to be better criminals. The pendulum swings back and forth between providing services to rehabilitate inmates and using jails and prisons as warehouses for inmates. I believe that rehabilitation services through counseling and education can turn many first time offenders around, especially if the earlier problems are addressed. I would treat repeat offenders and certain crimes differently. I believe that sex offenders should be housed only with sex offenders. Let them take care of themselves. Likewise, repeated thieves should be housed with other thieves. Let them steal each other’s possessions. Let murderers be housed with other murderers. I doubt that you would have a problem with overcrowding after a while. For drug dealers, it’s about the money so they can bust their butt on a chain gang earning fifty cents a day cleaning up the wasted world that they create.
8. At this point you might say that I am being racist against white people. I am white. I’m standing up for the injustice against minorities and women because I’ve seen it first hand and I’m sick and tired of it. Yes, there are people of all races who are blatantly racist against other groups. I don’t believe that most whites are blatantly racist. I think they are ignorant of the underlying disparities that exist because it does not affect them personally. Whites don’t even realize that there is a problem because they see the world through white privilege, but it exists. It’s not just an issue of name calling or barring children from a swimming pool. It’s about the very underlying values that our society is based on. If you are not a white male, those values aren’t based on you. This discussion makes a lot of people squirm in their seats. Those in power don’t want to give up power. Those in power are afraid of losing it. In other countries we see those in power meeting the people in the streets with weapons when they voice concerns and objections. Those in power throw people in jail for voicing concerns or objections. Those in power form groups that not only exclude those who are not like them; they actively work to oppress those who are not like them. Those in power make it difficult or impossible for those who voice concerns or objections to vote. What a better way to oppress then to keep them illiterate and poor. Has that ever happened here? I’ll let you think about that. So the last thing I would change if I ruled the world would be a greater emphasis on understanding diversity, understanding what all people bring to the table, and an emphasis on the need to work together to make this big ball of dirt that we live on a better and safer place for everyone.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Obama Wants Me To Write This Blog
In an attempt to find a stimulus package that will boost my blog readership, I decided to take a candid look at the Obama Presidency.
Although I am really not one to discuss politics, I will venture out on a limb here and hope that I am not disowned by friends and members of my own family. I have always considered myself an Independent. I vote for the person who I feel is the better candidate for the job regardless of political party. There has never been a candidate in either party that is firmly aligned with my views, so I consider the points that I feel are most important and vote based on that. Most of my family, however, is staunch Republican. This year’s Presidential election created quite the stir. Although I had often voted across party lines for lower political offices, for the first time in my voting life, I crossed party lines and voted for a Democrat for President.
What swayed me this time around? I wanted change. Barack Obama had the perfect message at the perfect time. Now, the change that I wanted did not necessarily have anything to do with the change that he suggested, but it spoke to me personally. I was tired of feeling ignored. I wanted change in my job. I wanted change in my marriage. I wanted change in my pocketbook. I felt like very few cared about me as an individual, so Barack Obama’s message and manner hit a chord.
Now, several of you here are going to bring up the fact that I have not talked about real qualifications such as experience with foreign policy, economic stimulation, or social service reform. Those are all very valid areas to consider. I am reminded, however, of the old saying, “If you keep repeating the same actions, you are going to keep getting the same results.” That’s where I think Barack won the election. He promised not to do the same things. He may not have as much experience as McCain, but he had hope and he gave hope to millions of others like me.
We will always face the same underlying problems in human existence. People will be filled with greed, gluttony, envy, wrath, and the other vices. Those underlying themes will always be the Bain of human existence. They are what got us all into this mess, not one political party versus another. We as individuals were greedy. Companies were greedy. Foreign leaders who steal elections and threaten others to get their own way are greedy.
The ways that we display those vices is ever changing though. People used to threaten others with their fists. Then they threatened with guns. Now they threaten with nuclear bombs. We have to adapt how we respond as the world evolves. If we don’t, we will become extinct. The same is true for political parties. Barack pledged to find different solutions to some of those growing problems. McCain didn’t. The Republican Party this time around reminded me of an annoying little sister who kept chasing after Obama and trying to imitate what he said and did.
So now we have a President who has promised the change that we all want. There are many who have placed him into the ranks of an Untouchable. There are actually Super Hero Bobble Head dolls of Obama now and a very detailed pose-able action figure where he can wield swords and guns. Everywhere you look there are ads trying to convince people that Obama wants them to buy this car or Obama wants them to go back to school. Everyone is trying to cash in on this ray of hope. Now he will have to prove that he can combine his new ideas with sound decision making, and with all of the glamorization, it will be tough to prove it.Obama IS touchable. He is a person just like you and I who want something better. I am sure that he will make mistakes along the way. Change is not easy. There will be growing pains. There will be resistance. There will be fear. It can’t be all about him though. If we really do want change, then we have to be willing to change ourselves. It’s easy to blame others when we stand by and do nothing. That’s not what America or the world needs right now. Along with the vices, there are other things that we need to bring into play: forgiveness, honesty, integrity, love, and foremost, responsibility. Despite your political affiliation, that is where we all need to start.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Fired because of Facebook
As more and more people join the Facebook nation especially with the dawn of mobile updates, the temptation to post at work and about work is ever present. If you are a Facebook citizen, the likelihood of you logging on while at work is probably pretty high. Some employers have been cracking down demanding that social networking on the job is affecting productivity. Other employers believe that allowing workers to take a momentary hiatus from work will actually help workers focus. Regardless of your work’s policy, posting at work or about work can actually get you fired. Just ask Chris Pestow from Indianapolis.
According to Bob Segall of Channel 13 News in Indianapolis, “For more than two months, State Police have been investigating officer Chris Pestow for what he posted on Facebook. The state trooper used the Internet site to publicly brag of heavy drinking, to post photos of his banged-up police car, and to show another police officer holding a gun to his head. That was just the beginning. But Wednesday, it resulted in the end of a career for this ISP officer.” Apparently, not only did Officer Pestow make poor judgment by posting controversial topics and pictures on his site calling himself a “garbage man” who was picking up “trash”, he was also posting while on duty.
This seems like a fairly clear cut case. He broke company policy by posting at work and lowered his department’s integrity by posting images and comments about himself in his role as a public servant. The State Police have since developed a new policy making it clear that employees cannot post anything on the Internet that might embarrass the department. But what about other cases out there? What is you did not post at work or post anything about work. What if you simply put up pictures or comments about yourself that your employer felt was unbecoming?
Last year a high school teacher was fired after she posted a photo of herself on MySpace dressed as a pirate with an unidentified drink in her hand. The caption under the photo was “drunken pirate”. She was not at work when the incident occurred or at work when she posted the photo. Would the school have treated her the same if a community member saw her dressed up on Halloween with an unidentified drink in hand instead of it being posted on the Internet?
Another young worker in Britain was fired after posting that she was “bored at work.”(NBC San Diego) She didn’t even name her place of employment. The boss found out by reading her updated status. Hmmm…and what was the boss doing on Facebook during working hours? Just checking on his employees? He stated that the firing was justified because she was apparently unhappy at work; therefore, he determined that it would not work out.
There are many more examples where employees through direct or indirect comments have been disciplined or terminated for what they posted online. Where is the line between a company’s right to maintain a positive image and an individual’s right to freedom of speech? After all, this is the United States of America, not Iran. So far the government has not blocked Facebook because someone said something that it might consider embarrassing. Employees do need to be loyal to their employer or find another job, but employers also need to be concerned about more than their image. If employees feel the need to vent publically about their work environment, there are probably greater underlying staff morale issues that need to be addressed. You may fire the one who speaks out, but you are not solving the problem. If the people who work for you don’t believe in you, then you won’t be successful.
What’s the bottom line? Be careful about what you write and put online. My mother always told me never to put anything down that might come back to haunt you later. It is very easy to type things online and click that send or submit button. I’ve done that more than once in late night e-mails that I’ve regretted sending the next morning. As a society, we are losing a very important skill that used to help us monitor what we say. With the dawn of texting, posting, and chatting, we are losing the ability to read body language and listen to tone of voice. We think less of what we say and we interpret other written messages differently than the writer intended. The way we communicate with each other is quickly changing and our strategies for interpreting and reacting to those changes must transform as well. God help us if one day we can actually read each other’s minds.
According to Bob Segall of Channel 13 News in Indianapolis, “For more than two months, State Police have been investigating officer Chris Pestow for what he posted on Facebook. The state trooper used the Internet site to publicly brag of heavy drinking, to post photos of his banged-up police car, and to show another police officer holding a gun to his head. That was just the beginning. But Wednesday, it resulted in the end of a career for this ISP officer.” Apparently, not only did Officer Pestow make poor judgment by posting controversial topics and pictures on his site calling himself a “garbage man” who was picking up “trash”, he was also posting while on duty.
This seems like a fairly clear cut case. He broke company policy by posting at work and lowered his department’s integrity by posting images and comments about himself in his role as a public servant. The State Police have since developed a new policy making it clear that employees cannot post anything on the Internet that might embarrass the department. But what about other cases out there? What is you did not post at work or post anything about work. What if you simply put up pictures or comments about yourself that your employer felt was unbecoming?
Last year a high school teacher was fired after she posted a photo of herself on MySpace dressed as a pirate with an unidentified drink in her hand. The caption under the photo was “drunken pirate”. She was not at work when the incident occurred or at work when she posted the photo. Would the school have treated her the same if a community member saw her dressed up on Halloween with an unidentified drink in hand instead of it being posted on the Internet?
Another young worker in Britain was fired after posting that she was “bored at work.”(NBC San Diego) She didn’t even name her place of employment. The boss found out by reading her updated status. Hmmm…and what was the boss doing on Facebook during working hours? Just checking on his employees? He stated that the firing was justified because she was apparently unhappy at work; therefore, he determined that it would not work out.
There are many more examples where employees through direct or indirect comments have been disciplined or terminated for what they posted online. Where is the line between a company’s right to maintain a positive image and an individual’s right to freedom of speech? After all, this is the United States of America, not Iran. So far the government has not blocked Facebook because someone said something that it might consider embarrassing. Employees do need to be loyal to their employer or find another job, but employers also need to be concerned about more than their image. If employees feel the need to vent publically about their work environment, there are probably greater underlying staff morale issues that need to be addressed. You may fire the one who speaks out, but you are not solving the problem. If the people who work for you don’t believe in you, then you won’t be successful.
What’s the bottom line? Be careful about what you write and put online. My mother always told me never to put anything down that might come back to haunt you later. It is very easy to type things online and click that send or submit button. I’ve done that more than once in late night e-mails that I’ve regretted sending the next morning. As a society, we are losing a very important skill that used to help us monitor what we say. With the dawn of texting, posting, and chatting, we are losing the ability to read body language and listen to tone of voice. We think less of what we say and we interpret other written messages differently than the writer intended. The way we communicate with each other is quickly changing and our strategies for interpreting and reacting to those changes must transform as well. God help us if one day we can actually read each other’s minds.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Freelancer Reality Show
In the spirit of uncluttering my life and finding the “callings of my soul” as Matt Dyer puts it, I left (with the help of my employer) a well paying job that consumed every drop of blood, every spare moment of my time, and every penny of spare change that I managed to find in the sofa after my in-laws came to visit. After the first shock wave of, “Hey! I’m unemployed in a really horrible economy,” I actually found myself elated. I was free, free at last! The problem, of course, is that nothing else in this world is free.
This presented me with a new problem. How do I pay the bills? Well, of course I started applying for every job remotely related to my college degrees and got rid of every “luxury” service that we could do without. My daughter still has not forgiven me for dropping text messaging. I also went through all of my professional books and starting selling them on Amazon. Heck, I didn’t need them anymore! I was unemployed! Every penny counts!
It was at this time that I decided to pursue the love of my life: writing. I hit the road running, of course, with full enthusiasm. I was going to publish that novel that I have always wanted. I was going to start my own freelance writing business. I was going to sit at home in my pajamas all day with mediation music playing and let the words flow. They did flow…for about a week. I wrote 8 pathetic chapters in my novel. When I say 8, I am really exaggerating. There are technically 8 because there are 8 scene changes or time transitions, but the chapters are incredibly short. I started comparing my writing to the authors that I love--Cooney, Myers, Draper, and Paulsen--and my writing began to look more and more pathetic by the moment.
Still, I couldn’t give up. I created online ads, an online website, subscribed to online freelance writing sites. I started an author club and enlisted the help of former students to help me review my novel. The kids loved it, of course. One wants to beat up one of the characters. They also asked me why my chapters were so short. I am also smart enough to know, however, if I told an agent that they should sign me because my students and my mother and my dentist all love my work, it would only get me a smirk and perhaps the courtesy of not throwing my manuscript away in front of my face. I’m not sure about the last part.
As far as freelancing, I now realize that there are billions of writers out there trying to do the same thing that I am. I was used to working for $40 an hour. There are so many freelance writers, I’m lucky to get a job writing for less than $10 an hour. Starting off has been tough. I finally got some contracts. One promises to bring in some substantial cash, but I’m leery. I know very little about the client and they are not very forthcoming with personal information to check them out. I feel like I’m on the verge of a major scam. I need to build a portfolio. I need customers to build a portfolio. I need a portfolio to get customers…the proverbial chicken and the egg.
In the meantime, now that my career with full benefits has ended, by daughter (whom we just put braces on) needed emergency oral surgery and my son has already been out to the emergency room with what we swore was a broken finger. My daughter is also a part of a school organization that requires $800 paid by August 1st. The bottom line: I needed a job with benefits and I needed it now. I applied at every bookstore, publisher, and library within driving distance. I even considered those beyond driving distance. I EVEN considered selling the house and all of my earthly possessions (except for my laptop of course)and moving to the Cayman Islands to live like a bum on the beach for the rest of my life.
Ultimately I was offered a job—teaching English at a local college and developing their library program. It’s a 40 hour week with full benefits and a lot more time to come home and actually spend time with my family and write. At the last job, I could do neither. It is only about 1/2 of my last salary though, so I am still pursuing the freelance writing work. I figure that to bring in what I was making, I will have to work another 35 hours a week on top of my full time job and bring in a minimum of $2,500 from writing each month. I know that is not likely, and I don’t even think that I want it. Those days of keeping up with the “Jones” no longer matters much to me. I want to write because it brings me pleasure. I want to write to inspire others, open doors of opportunity, and change the lives of those around me.
So, Matt Dyer, who has inspired me to pursue my dreams, urges me not to give up. According to him, “the age of my body has no bearing on what I do or who I am,” even though I have spent the last 3 years being called a “dinosaur” by my students and being passed up repeatedly by pretty, young, upcoming stars who have no children or obligations outside of work. He tells me that I can accomplish anything that I set my mind to because my attitude plays a big part in how successful I am. I have to admit, since losing my last job, my attitude HAS completely changed. I am actually a nice person now, and I feel like I have a whole new lease on life…one that I’m in control of.
I will continue to burn the midnight oil writing…in my pajamas and with my meditation music…but I will do it more realistically. I know that I have a lot to learn, and I need to start by watching and interacting with others. I will be a published author one day. I may not make millions, but if even one person reads my book and smiles, it will be worth every minute. Some are put on this earth to do great things: save thousands, end wars, advance knowledge, find cures. I prefer to change the world with a simple word.
This presented me with a new problem. How do I pay the bills? Well, of course I started applying for every job remotely related to my college degrees and got rid of every “luxury” service that we could do without. My daughter still has not forgiven me for dropping text messaging. I also went through all of my professional books and starting selling them on Amazon. Heck, I didn’t need them anymore! I was unemployed! Every penny counts!
It was at this time that I decided to pursue the love of my life: writing. I hit the road running, of course, with full enthusiasm. I was going to publish that novel that I have always wanted. I was going to start my own freelance writing business. I was going to sit at home in my pajamas all day with mediation music playing and let the words flow. They did flow…for about a week. I wrote 8 pathetic chapters in my novel. When I say 8, I am really exaggerating. There are technically 8 because there are 8 scene changes or time transitions, but the chapters are incredibly short. I started comparing my writing to the authors that I love--Cooney, Myers, Draper, and Paulsen--and my writing began to look more and more pathetic by the moment.
Still, I couldn’t give up. I created online ads, an online website, subscribed to online freelance writing sites. I started an author club and enlisted the help of former students to help me review my novel. The kids loved it, of course. One wants to beat up one of the characters. They also asked me why my chapters were so short. I am also smart enough to know, however, if I told an agent that they should sign me because my students and my mother and my dentist all love my work, it would only get me a smirk and perhaps the courtesy of not throwing my manuscript away in front of my face. I’m not sure about the last part.
As far as freelancing, I now realize that there are billions of writers out there trying to do the same thing that I am. I was used to working for $40 an hour. There are so many freelance writers, I’m lucky to get a job writing for less than $10 an hour. Starting off has been tough. I finally got some contracts. One promises to bring in some substantial cash, but I’m leery. I know very little about the client and they are not very forthcoming with personal information to check them out. I feel like I’m on the verge of a major scam. I need to build a portfolio. I need customers to build a portfolio. I need a portfolio to get customers…the proverbial chicken and the egg.
In the meantime, now that my career with full benefits has ended, by daughter (whom we just put braces on) needed emergency oral surgery and my son has already been out to the emergency room with what we swore was a broken finger. My daughter is also a part of a school organization that requires $800 paid by August 1st. The bottom line: I needed a job with benefits and I needed it now. I applied at every bookstore, publisher, and library within driving distance. I even considered those beyond driving distance. I EVEN considered selling the house and all of my earthly possessions (except for my laptop of course)and moving to the Cayman Islands to live like a bum on the beach for the rest of my life.
Ultimately I was offered a job—teaching English at a local college and developing their library program. It’s a 40 hour week with full benefits and a lot more time to come home and actually spend time with my family and write. At the last job, I could do neither. It is only about 1/2 of my last salary though, so I am still pursuing the freelance writing work. I figure that to bring in what I was making, I will have to work another 35 hours a week on top of my full time job and bring in a minimum of $2,500 from writing each month. I know that is not likely, and I don’t even think that I want it. Those days of keeping up with the “Jones” no longer matters much to me. I want to write because it brings me pleasure. I want to write to inspire others, open doors of opportunity, and change the lives of those around me.
So, Matt Dyer, who has inspired me to pursue my dreams, urges me not to give up. According to him, “the age of my body has no bearing on what I do or who I am,” even though I have spent the last 3 years being called a “dinosaur” by my students and being passed up repeatedly by pretty, young, upcoming stars who have no children or obligations outside of work. He tells me that I can accomplish anything that I set my mind to because my attitude plays a big part in how successful I am. I have to admit, since losing my last job, my attitude HAS completely changed. I am actually a nice person now, and I feel like I have a whole new lease on life…one that I’m in control of.
I will continue to burn the midnight oil writing…in my pajamas and with my meditation music…but I will do it more realistically. I know that I have a lot to learn, and I need to start by watching and interacting with others. I will be a published author one day. I may not make millions, but if even one person reads my book and smiles, it will be worth every minute. Some are put on this earth to do great things: save thousands, end wars, advance knowledge, find cures. I prefer to change the world with a simple word.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
A Fat Woman on Dieting
People have strong opinions about dieting. You have your anorexically thin wisps of people, your morbidly obese people, and all of your average bumpy, lumpy people in between. I, myself, started as one of those anorexically thin people. I was 98 pounds when I got married.
Now, 20 years and 2 children later, the days of the size 3 mini-skirt are long over.
Now, 20 years and 2 children later, the days of the size 3 mini-skirt are long over.
Now each time I stand in front of a clothes rack, I swear I will never buy a size larger. Yet in what seems like a matter of months, I do. It is depressing to think that I now weigh what I did when I was nine months pregnant. Diets have always failed me, or should I say, I have always failed them.
I have tried the Adkins diet, the South beach diet, and the L.A. weight loss diet. I have tried the tuna and lemon water diet, the Carb Enders diet,and stopped just short of the colon cleanse. That just doesn't sound too appealing. I have endured the Dexatrim diet, the Slimfast diet, and Spirulina. And we can not forget the Turbo slim, Ultra slim, and Chromium Picolinate endeavors. I have poured money into exotic miracle juices and Siberian Pine oil remedies. I've even tried NOT eating. That only resulted in complete gorging when I had only missed two meals. My favorite, though, is the See Food Diet...see food and eat it. In all, I could have had liposuction and a tummy tuck for all of the money that I have poured into diet plans over the years or at least a cute personal trainer named Miguel to whip me into shape.
Now we get into the exercise equipment. The treadmill is serving great as a clothes rack. I don't even think that it is close to an outlet anymore. My nine-year-old gets out the weights from under my bed every so often so they don't collect too much dust. He discovered them one day while retrieving a dirty sock. I won't tell you what he does with the elastic exercise bands. I've had to take those away from him several times. In all of this, however, I can't forget the 6-Second Abs machine that got about 6 seconds of use or the kickboxing, belly dancing, line dancing, and yoga exercise tapes that still sit in an unforgiving pile waiting to be picked up. We won't even mention the gym membership that I NEVER used or the free gym right at work that I walked passed every day for 7 years. My all-in-all favorite though was the Nia CD because I thought I looked hilarious doing it. At least I got exercise from laughing because both I and the pitiful guy in tights on the CD looked like we were tripping on LSD.
There are a lot of lessons that I have learned over the years about diet and exercise. Number one, I know that I need to get eat right and exercise to be healthy. My health issues have always increased when the weight has gone up. I also realize, though, that I don't have to compete with those smoky-eyed, thin girls on TV and in the ads. That's all fake anyway. Computer technology has replaced true beauty with these unattainable images.
I also know that I have the power to tackle my weight issues when I am truly serious about it. I have had to take the bull by the horns many times in my life and it would be pathetic for me to say that I take orders from a cookie . The point is that it has to be a life change, not a diet. I have to start with changing my thoughts about food--food is for nourishment of the body and not to de-stress from a terrible day--and then work on changing my behaviors. If you are struggling with your weight, don't give up. Keep putting it on your New Year's Resolution, but don't wait until January 1st to start over. Today is a new day. Find one thing to cut back on. Walk a little farther. Reduce the stress without food. If all else fails, remember--if you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Midlife Crisis
You can suspect that you are in a midlife crisis when you find yourself sitting outside of work in your car and you don't want to go in. You confirm that you are indeed in a midlife crisis when you find yourself sitting outside your house and thinking the same thing. This is where I found myself this month--sitting in my scratched and dented "soccer mom" minivan and staring at my destination. The impulse to drive off was sometimes intense. Needless to say though, I always eventually opened that car door, drug out all of my bags, and headed in.
So what is a midlife crisis anyway? If you look in books and online, you will see lots of definitions as well as lots of miracle cures to get you out of your funk. I decided to take one of those little on-line quizzes to see if I needed to commit myself to a mental hospital or not. So far, its not looking good. I think that I might need to start packing my bags.
Let's see--first on my list of confirmations is the desire to quit a perfectly good job. "Good", of course, is a relative term. Do I have a full time job with benefits that brings in enough money to meet my basic needs? Yes, and that could be considered a good job, especially in these economic times. Do I work with teenagers? Yes, so that could put that "good" term into questionability. I would say that this category is a toss up.
Next is listed the sudden desire to learn how to play an instrument. Well, I did secretly buy that book on how to play the drums--you can't learn how to play drums by reading a book, by the way--and I also spend fifty dollars on that really bad set of karaoke Cd's. The next time I purchase anything on EBAY, I need to make sure that I ask the seller if the music is in ENGLISH since that is the only language that I am really fluent in. I would have to say that this category is a confirmation.
Another category talks about restarting things that I dropped 20 years earlier. This is the year for my 20th high school reunion, and I have found myself addicted to Facebook. I have been sending friend requests to everyone remotely connected to my graduating class whether I really liked them in school or not. I found the boy who I kissed in kindergarten and made him wet his pants. I have no desire to kiss him now. He is missing a lot of hair and has quite the belly. No comment on myself. I have been nicely surprised though at the people who do want to stay connected. Here's a message to the boy, though, who threw a dirty jock strap at me on the school bus and hit me in the face with it. I will never accept your friend request--never, never, never...OK, maybe if you say you are sorry. Yes, I would also have to confirm this category.
Finally, here is the killer. Do I show a sudden interest in drawing, writing books, or poetry? I am hiding my sketch pad as I write this blog. In my defense, this is not a new interest. I have always loved to draw and write, but in my deep desire to simplify my life, I have decided to make it a bigger priority. I find myself doodling in meetings and tucking paper into my purse to write when I am out. I am, as a matter of fact, blogging while I sit in the bathtub. Is that not a true sign of commitment? To what, I will let you decide.
Basically, a midlife crisis is an attempt to restart life to better fit your heart. Lots of things get in the way of that like jobs, relationships, finances, and other personal commitments. That is why they call it a crisis. Will I survive my crisis? Sure I will and I'll even keep the husband and kids. Do I need to be committed while I am going through it? That depends. If the mental hospital happens to be in Tahiti, I'm ready to board the plane. A change in climate is looking really good right now. I might even trade that "soccer mom" van in for a Harley. What do you think?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
